Or the key for successful relationships
Where does this story come from? And who's performing?
The other day a lady told me about a rough conversation she had over watssap with someone she'd been dating.
Although she was full of good intentions, the atmosphere quickly flipped over because a misunderstanding. The conversation suddenly ended up badly. She was worried because now communication is off and she has barely any chance to even have him as a friend... He was the best candidate for a serious relationship she's had for a long time, though.... What happened?? How did the situation shift that way?
When she met that man, she found him special, profound, authentic, generous, sensitive, balanced, big hearted...rich, successful, humble, respectful... she’d never met such a man before. After taking her time to think it over and calling their dates off, she decided to get back to him. In this watssap conversation, she finally told him she was ready to know him well and was open for a loving relationship. He immediately pulled out a bunch of interview-like questions which put her off. So she criticized his way of approaching her, which turned him off. He found she wasn't being coherent with her loving intentions and he wished her good luck with her future ideal man... 3 messages and the game was over!
This lady came to me confused. She asked "what did I do wrong? I just told him honestly what I thought of this kind of control freak approach. I've been there myself many years ago and now I only want spontaneous and warm relationships. Why did he suddenly back off?"
Me: Well, I understand he was being cautious using those questions, like protecting himself since you pushed him away before and might get hurt if he doesn't keep some distance now. Plus you told him you were open to love him, so it doesn't make sense to him that you won't accept his ways for once...He's thinking "we haven't even started chatting and she's already shutting me up?!" Her: But it’s the truth, this is not the way to get to know someone!
Me: Well, could you have just suggested another way to communicate that suited both?
Her: Sure... Hum, why didn't I do that?...
Me: I guess today we need to do some work about compassion and your yin...
Her: What is compassion?? Me: Compassion is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes, understand them, feel whatever they might be feeling as victims and take action towards them embracing this comprehension. For instance, typically you would talk this way with compassion: "Listen, I understand how you feel, I haven't been very clear till now and you're in a bad position now, so I get that you don't want to get hurt since you're such a sensitive person...but we can find a way to make things right for both, how about meeting for a drink and talk, etc..."
Her: hold on, hold on, do you have a blueprint for that kind of speech?? I wouldn't be able to improvise it myself!
Me: Ok, this won't help you be spontaneous. You like things to flow naturally, so I'm going to tell you the story about the princess in the fortress and her guard so you understand compassion and why you found in this person a lack of warmth or passion. Actually you first need to practice compassion with yourself!
Her: How do I do that?
Me: We need to readjust how your Yin -female energy- interacts with your Yang -male energy- in order to soothe him, how to command him to take action and in which circumstances. Let me tell it to you as a story so you understand better compassion, lack of compassion and its impact on Yin and Yang harmony.
Yin is a precious princess in her fortress. She lives safely in her castle keep. Her castle is surrounded by a moat and the entrance is protected by a guard named Yang, always standing in front of the main gate.
Yin communicates with Yang with radio earplugs and can ask him for help any time she needs him. Indeed, Yin is a valuable and sensitive person that has a lot of needs, especially protection, gentleness, security, joy and passion, a set of contrasted ingredients which aren't always easy to balance. That's why Yang is there. Yin knows she can count on him to filter any intruders with harming or disrespectful intentions. They know each other very well. Yang likes to hear Yin say she's proud of him.
But things aren't always as perfect and smooth as we think...